You Always Make Me Smile
by LoVe JH writer15
Summary: A Barney and Robin story told in drabbles and little moments I thought were missing from Season 6. I'm giving it an M rating just for curses and possibly sex scenes( mild ones but still to be safe) I chose the title simply because I love the song and a B/R vidder on Youtube made a vid of these two that is a freakin mazing. Check it out if you haven't already.
1. Chapter 1

So, this is my first HIMYM fic and I'm so nervous. This is my favorite show in the world; I love it more than Veronica Mars and Once Upon a Time and Walking Dead combined! I know (BIG) I really hope I capture the characters correctly but if I don't please feel free to call me out on it! I love constructive criticism and I don't pretend to be a master writer with these characters. This is, of course, a Barney/Robin story. It consists of little moments I've added in each season 6 episode. Season 6 may be my favorite season (let's see how season 9 turns out and I might change my mind) so I've started here. School starts soon so my updating might lag and take a long time sometimes but I promise to return to this story eventually. I love Barney Stinson and the future Robin Stinson. And here we go!

Big Days

After Ted's departure from the bar (he claimed he was tired but Barney and Robin both knew he was mourning the loss of another "the one") the remaining two sat in a somewhat awkward silence. Finally Robin cleared her throat and Barney looked up from his inspection of the booth's table.  
"Thanks."  
Barney raised an eyebrow questioningly.  
"For making me lose the sweater and sweatpants disaster I was wearing earlier."  
He grinned.  
"I'd do anything for the return of a revealing sundress, Scherbatsky. You know that." He took a drink of his beer, ready to move on to some other topic but Robin placed a hand over the one he rested on the table.  
"Don't play dumb, Barney. You may be many things, among them psychotic, perverted, and juvenile, but unintelligent you are not. You knew telling me I'd lost "it" and was no longer attractive would only drive me to prove you wrong."  
Barney looked down at their hands, internally sighing at the warmth and comfort radiating from her palm to his.  
"You got me. I insinuated you were ugly and lowered you already shaky self-esteem so you'd change into a sundress and show off those lovely legs for me… because I'm a great friend. I'm completely devoted to helping my friends. Why, just the other day I told Marshall he was fat so he'd take up jogging with me and live a happier life."  
Again, Robin shrugged off the humor he attempted to add to the situation.  
"Whatever, Stinson. You've gone soft; admit it. You saw me in a bad place because of-of what happened" she couldn't bring herself to speak of Don and heartbreaks at that moment so she pushed on "and you knew how I'd react to your words and so you brought me back into the world of the attractive living."  
Barney didn't respond but he didn't have to. Robin saw right through him. But then again he saw right through her.  
They could call it even.


	2. Chapter 2

I felt inspired today. I rewatched all of season 6 yesterday and the creative juices are flowing.

Cleaning House

As James hugged Sam Gibbs, his recently discovered father, one last time the gang watched Barney carefully. He kept a blank expression, all traces of childlike wonder and dependence on someone who clearly wasn't going to deliver for him gone. It was a bit of a relief. The four friends had played several rounds of rock paper scissors to decide who was broaching the topic of Barney's sanity and acceptance. For a while it seemed like Barney had dropped Bob Barker for Sam Gibbs, creating a new dream world where he was a light-skinned African American and was suddenly allowed to call himself Bling Bling Barney.  
"It'll catch on, guys. We're in the hood now. The streets have different rules out here."  
No one had the energy to tell him the neighborhood was less than thirty minutes away from his childhood home and the closes thing to "hood" the place had was the lady across the street who rapped nursery rhymes to her three year old toddler.  
As the evening progressed, however, Barney stopped singing in ridiculous pitches and inserting himself in every conversation between James and Sam. He shut down, in a sense, with a heavy sadness clouding his usually vibrant blue eyes and no dirty jokes or quirky sayings spilling from his lips.  
Sam clapped James on the back, promised him he'd call the next day to arrange the barbecue for next weekend, and told him that day was one of the most joyous in all his fifty seven years. Robin winced and sneaked a peek at Barney to see how he was receiving the tender moment he'd been deprived of.  
There was no discernible trace of emotion in his handsome features.  
Robin bit her lip worriedly. 

* * *

"I'm the only one here, you know." She said three minutes into the journey back to Loretta's house.  
She'd volunteered to ride in the back again after Barney silently stepped inside. Ted was more than happy to switch spots, especially after Marshall revealed he'd stashed another Sloppy Joe under his front seat. Lily looked disgusted but the two best friends dashed towards the promise of food and Robin moved to join Barney.  
"Robin."  
Lily's voice stopped her.  
"Yeah?"  
"Make him smile again."  
"I will." She said firmly and the redhead gave a knowing smile at her retreating back.  
_  
_

"What's your point?" Barney asked tiredly, leaning dejectedly against a wall of the moving van.  
"You don't need to pretend with me." She said matter-of-factly.  
"I'm fine, Robin."  
He always used her first name when he was in a serious mood, usually substituting flirty nicknames or using her last name to address her in the way only he could.  
"Sometimes I wish I'd never met my father." She said after another beat of silence and Barney's eyes met hers.  
"Why?" he asked softly.  
"Why?" she gave a bitter chuckle. "So I don't feel ashamed of being a woman every time he calls. So I don't feel useless and pathetic and like a total failure because my dad wanted something I could never be. When I was younger I tried to hard to be a boy. I've told you stories about my childhood but nothing can express the misery I lived on. Can you imagine someone telling you you're worthless on a daily basis? I've never heard an I love you from him. Never received a hug or kiss. I was lucky to get a pat on the back after a hockey game."  
Barney listened; entranced in the story of the Robin he never got a chance to know. The vulnerable Canadian teenager who became a pop sensation to escape the pressures of home. Robin Sparkles stood for more than fame and mall promotions. She was the sweetness Robin hid as an adult and the innocence she hadn't been privy to as a little girl striving to please her father and obtain a shred of affection.  
"Sometimes I wish he'd left my mom sooner. If they'd divorced when I was a girl maybe mom would have remarried. Maybe I could have had a stepfather who'd always wanted a daughter of his own." She stared off into space, momentarily forgetting Barney's presence. "I'll never know. I'll never know what a father's love feels like." She said with such wonder, Barney's heart ached for her.  
"Dads suck."  
She nodded.  
"Word."  
Barney made his way over to her side of the van and Robin leaned against him, her head on his shoulder, her hand in his. They seemed to end up holding hands more often than not. More than when they were actually a couple.  
"You don't need a father to define who you are, Robin. You grew up awesome without him. You became who you are today initially to please him but then because you realized that was you. You're a gun nut, a scotch-gulper and a laser tag prodigy."  
She laughed.  
"I'm sorry your dad wasn't there for you."  
"Ditto." She said, holding his stare so he knew the whole point she'd wanted to make from the get go.  
The van stopped and they heard their friends' voices approaching the door of the moving van to let them out.  
Barney slipped his hand out of hers but gave her a brief kiss on the forehead, a touch of gratitude, and greeted Ted with a dig at his masculinity and bladder control.  
Barney was back.  
"I don't know how you do it." Lily remarked as the two walked behind the four men inside the nearly empty house.  
"I'm not good at explaining things but with Barney it's.."  
"Effortless?"  
"He understands me."  
"You two are so close. It makes me jealous."  
"Aw, Lily, you're my best friend. You know that."  
"We may be best friends but you and Barney are something else."  
Before Robin could ask what Lily meant Marshall ran outside and gripped her hands in his with desperation.  
"I refuse to ruin Santa Claus for our kids, Lily. You can ruin the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy but I'm standing my ground on Santa!"  
Lily rolled her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Unfinished

That night it was just the two of them again. It seemed orchestrated that way. Ted had gone to the apartment hours earlier to work on his design, thanking Barney for dinner and telling him he had a swell time. What a nerd.  
Marshall and Lily had scurried off and while Barney assured her they were banging in an alley or cab she knew Lily was on her way to the fateful dojo where a boy had once stepped on her throat. Marshall had probably tried to sing again and Robin thanked the high heavens he'd gone somewhere else to do it.  
"Lily told me you deleted Don's number."  
"It was time." She said, staring into the bottom of her beer bottle.  
Barney took a sip of his beer before pushing his cell phone across the table where it stopped directly next to her coaster.  
"What's this for?"  
"In America we call it a cellular phone. It connects us with people all over the world." He waved his arms over dramatically and she rolled her eyes.  
"I mean, what do you want me to do with it?"  
"Well, optimistically, I'd like a dirty picture of you and you're free to step into the bathroom and choose your best pose. I'd recommend upper body." He stared at her breasts.  
"Barney." She warned.  
"I want you to delete a number."  
"Why?"  
"It's only fair. You deleted Don's and a number from Lily's and Marshall's phones. I even took the liberty of erasing Francesca Matthews from Ted's phone during dinner."  
Robin's eyes widened.  
"He let you do that without a fight?"  
"Psh, I could take Ted. And he didn't notice I did it. He was too busy boring the waiter with some rambling monologue on the architectural beauty that was the restaurant's ceiling."  
"Nerd." Robin shook her head and Barney agreed.  
"Who's Francesca Matthews anyway? Boobs?" he asked eagerly.  
"Francesca is this girl Ted met about two months ago. She knows someone in our building but Ted can't figure out who. She comes to every party the super hosts for the whole building and we see her hanging out with people who look vaguely familiar but we can't be sure since we still don't know our neighbors." She shrugged. "He got his number by accident. She thought his name was Tom Green and after one quick hug she was gone again and Ted was obsessed with tracking her down. There's a gathering next Wednesday on the roof cause some girl's getting married and Ted swore he'd find Francesca again."  
"Why didn't he just call her and ask her who she knew?"  
Robin gave him a blank stare.  
"It's Ted. He wants a romantic scene where they lock eyes across a crowded room and she doesn't mistake him for some other guy."  
"What a waste of a good booty call number."  
"Which reminds me. You want me to delete one of your precious booty calls? This is your work phone, the important one that you don't change every couple of weeks. You only have the crucial ho's on this one."  
It was sad how well Robin knew Barney's booty call procedures.  
"Yeah, so? You have free reign to erase any number you want. Except for the ones that say words in different languages like Arabic and Mandarin."  
"Why?"  
"I don't want to talk about work." He waved it off and she refused to waste her time going down that line of questioning again.  
"Fine." She scrolled down until she came upon one name that looked particularly whoreish.  
_Lacey Wilkes. What a slut. I bet she's blonde and busty and only drinks skinny margaritas. Eugh.  
_"Lacey Wilkes." She had her finger poised over the key to delete it when Barney made a sound of protest. "What?"  
"She lets me ride bareback." He whined and Robin didn't hesitate when the little message asked her if she was sure.  
"Damn it." He grumbled, taking back his phone.  
"You told me I had free reign." She reminded him.  
"Yeah, yeah."  
"I'm sure you'll find another slut just like her. Better, even."  
"You're right." He perked up again. "That girl looks dazed, confused, and promiscuous! The perfect end to a perfect day." He winked at her before abandoning what remained of his beer for the promise of bimbo sex.  
Robin had to force herself to finish her drink and walk up to her apartment without glancing back at Barney and his latest conquest. It would be pure masochism to do that. Picturing it stung enough.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you to ImperiumWife for being my first reviewer. I'm glad you like it and that I'm handling these characters correctly.

Subway Wars

After Max leaves, apologizing for his firm's interruption of their meal, Robin finishes her wine and prepares to leave the restaurant in search of the nearest subway station. In her opinion, the subway is the best form of transportation in the city and is now a safe haven for releasing pent up emotions. Crying on the subway was oddly therapeutic. She had trouble expressing emotions and thoughts to her loved ones, revealing her true self, but she didn't give a shit what the people on the subway thought of her. She spent fleeting moments with those strangers and if she had to cry in front of them; she would.  
Before she could make it far from her table, a hand touched her shoulder and she turned to see Barney, caution in his eyes.  
"I thought you left." She said.  
"I wanted to give you a ride home just in case that Max guy left you hanging. And I was right."  
Her eyes narrowed.  
"He got called in to work and I'm a big girl, Barney. I can take the subway home."  
"Yeah, but you shouldn't have to. Ranjit's outside."  
"Where's Ted?"  
"No idea."

* * *

Ted had decided to walk home and enjoy the sounds and sights of New York City. His journey involved being nearly run over by Maury Povich's taxi, dropping a dollar in quarters on the street, and being spotted by a particularly vicious and vengeful ex girlfriend. Both Barney and Robin would hear this tale in the bar the next day, laughing uproariously.

* * *

"So, ride home?" Barney inquired, tilting his head in an adorable fashion.  
Robin was ashamed her brain put "Barney" and "adorable" in one thought but she nodded anyway.  
Ranjit greeted her warmly, as usual, and the ride to her apartment began in silence.  
"I'm not angry at you, Barney."  
"Really?"  
"Yes. I can't expect you to drop everything in your life and give up womanizing simply because I'm having a bad day or a hard time at work. You may be one of my best friends but you aren't my keeper. I understand you have your own problems and priorities. It sucks that I'm not one of them, sure, but I have no right to blame you for being selfish. We all are."  
If it had been anyone else saying those words, like Ted or Marshall or Lily, he would have laughed and made some dirty joke about having more time for sex and not wasting time on musky friend stuff. But this was Robin and Barney could never tolerate hurting her.  
"You do have the right to be angry with me. I deserve that anger. I want to be someone you trust with your problems and come to for advice. You're my best bro, Robin. No one's ever come close to you." His words referred to more than just their friendship but he wouldn't touch that thread yet. "I owe you an apology."  
"You said you never apologize."  
"Until now. I'm sorry I blew you off to screw some teary eyed bimbo. You're worth more than that. And just to be clear, you _are_ one of my priorities."  
Robin smiled and Barney's heart skipped a beat.  
"Thank you, Barney."  
"No problem, Scherbatsky. You feeling like a true New Yorker now?"  
"I'm still missing the Woody Allen sighting."  
"You'll get there. Until then, why don't we head to one of the most New York places of all time?"

Twenty minutes later, they were laughing at The Naked Cowboy dancing in his little tightie whites, sipping Starbucks coffee and holding shopping bags from Sephora (Robin), LOFT(Robin) and Toys R Us(Barney).  
"You'd think this wouldn't surprise me anymore and yet it does."  
"What does?" Barney asked as they paused for the crossing light to change so they could enter the Hard Rock Café because Robin craved guitar earrings.  
"The way you act with me. I was wrong to accuse you of not caring about me. I know you do. I'm happiest hanging out with just you. I don't know if you notice, but you're kind of different around the rest of the gang."  
"It's intentional."  
"Why?"  
"You won't judge me, Robin. We have our fights but I never feel like you want to criticize my every move and thought. The others aren't the same. With you it's just…"  
"Effortless." She said, flashing back to her conversation with Lily.  
"Yes, exactly."  
The light changed and they made their way to the shop in comfortable silence. Or as comfortable as two best friends who harbor deep affection and romantic love for each other can be.


	5. Chapter 5

This one's very short. I'm writing the way I saw season 6 and I always thought Barney was still in love with Robin but she was unaware of her own feelings, only waking up to being in love with him when he moved on to Nora.

Architect of Destruction

After Max dumps her, blaming it on her kinky sexual preferences, she ends up at McLaren's waiting for the only person who could make her forget another failed relationship.  
"What up, Scherbatsky?" said person slides into the booth across from her as if on cue.  
"Max broke up with me." She said with a tinge of sadness.  
"Yeah, he told us he was too much of a pussy to handle all the extremely mind-blowing sex you gave him."  
"He said that?"  
"Not those words exactly but that's what I heard." He shrugged, drinking his scotch.  
"So you guys knew he was going to dump me and you didn't say anything?"  
That seemed like a betrayal. If her best friends knew something bad was going to happen to her, they should have informed her of it.  
"I didn't think you'd care. You and Max weren't a big thing, right?"  
Barney's careless statement makes her go over the short relationship with Max in her head. Yes, he was a sweet guy and they had pleasant dinners and mediocre sex(his fault) but it was nothing extraordinary.  
"No." she finally admitted. "Especially since he lacked a very essential _big thing_." She throws in one of his famous winks and he chuckles.  
"Nice." Barney held his hand up for a high five which she gladly returned.  
"When will I find a guy who's nice enough to show off to my mom, successful enough to impress my dad, exciting enough to introduce to the group, and talented enough to please Mama in bed?" she asked, allowing a bit of a whine to creep into her voice.  
Barney bit his tongue to avoid blurting out that her description of her perfect guy was right in front of her face.  
"I know how you feel." He said instead.  
"You? The king of one night stands and tricks on women? You're looking for someone to settle down with?"  
"Is that so hard to believe?" he asked, miffed.  
"Last week on the way to work, I saw four different billboards of you with different disguises and fake names. On one your name was Dr. Goodluvin and you promoted the most pleasurable gynecology experience in any woman's life."  
"Touché."  
She laughed.  
"I'm not saying you'll always be a womanizer. I truly believe you'll find love strong enough to lead to marriage. It would have to be someone really special though."  
For the second time in twenty minutes, Barney bit down on his tongue, wondering how a woman as intelligent as Robin could be so fucking oblivious.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm glad you guys like this little story! Thank you for the reviews and I have a question for you guys. Should I stick with little moments that go with the canon of HIMYM or should I change the ending of the season and in the last episode maybe make things more definite between Barney and Robin? You guys comment and decide.

Baby Talk

God she hated Becky. That no-talent-overly-perky-slut. Robin was no fool. She knew almost every Guy Catching technique in the book. Talking like a helpless little girl was a pathetic one and Robin had never resorted to using it. One thing was acting slightly like a Damsel in Distress but that involved flowy, transparent dresses and overdramatic acting as if one was a princess escaping the dragon's lair. That was more of a fun role-play. She and Barney had laughed when she'd done that one. Robin acting helpless and easily frightened was just that unbelievable. However, that role had induced some pretty enthusiastic sex. One of the best nights in their impressive history of intercourse.  
She guessed that was why Barney had defended the Baby Talk alongside Marshall and Ted. He seemed turned on by the vulnerable women of New York; it made it that much easier for him to sweet-talk them back to his apartment for "comforting advice" and a "drink or two". So as Barney ran off to use his own baby talk on a woman Robin was left even more irate.  
Ted decided to bring up their relationship, recalling various incidents in which her independence was more of a burden than an admirable trait. He didn't like that she could take care of herself or look after her own interests. If she hadn't been ready with her shotgun when that robber tried to break in, what could have happened? Ted and Marshall's apartment would have lost valuable things and the robber might have harmed her and Ted as well. Yet, it all went back to Ted's own neediness. He liked feeling needed and Robin just hadn't provided that.  
"Becky makes me feel important in our relationship. She gets me."  
Robin made a gagging noise.  
"You're just jealous because another pretty girl has everyone's attention. The audiences like her better than you, I'm dating her, Marshall and Lily are having sex because of her, and Barney's new strategy came from Becky. Everyone likes her and you're feeling left out of the spotlight. You have to learn that everything isn't about you, Robin."  
"I know that, Ted. You're the one who needs a reality check. She isn't right for you or for any grown man. Who wants to marry or live with a woman who acts like a little girl 24/7? Can she even clean herself after using the potty or does she need you for that too?" Robin scoffed and left the bar without another glance back.

* * *

She knocked on the door to Barney's apartment, wondering why she always ended up here. She had three other people she called her best friends, yet only Barney's words seemed to matter.  
"When we were dating, did- did I make you feel needed?" she asked and Barney caught the raw emotion in her eyes.  
This question was more important than she made it out to be. He spoke plainly, brining an effortless smile to her face.  
"Thanks Barney."  
He smiled and she walked closer to him, leaning in to whisper who the crazy woman behind him was. As Barney told her how he'd completed the challenge Robin could only laugh. Here was another woman using the baby talk method to entrap a guy like Barney, similar to Becky and Ted, but she couldn't muster up any annoyance. Barney slept with bushels of meaningless ho's but he'd only dated one woman.  
A woman who owned dozens of guns, ordered her own scotch and brandy, basically raised herself, and didn't take shit from anybody.  
If her independence got Barney Stinson to be someone's boyfriend (not counting the sad time period in which Shannon had led him along like her dog) it wasn't as off-putting as Ted had made it out to be.  
"Now, can you get this freak out of here? I'm scared." Barney whispered, his handsome features twisted into horror at whatever lunatic tendencies the woman had exhibited in the short time span in which they'd been together.  
"I got this." Robin said with a scoff, rolling up her sleeps and stopping to lift Barney's sword in the scabbard from its resting place at the center of the living room.  
She didn't bother taking off her purse or tying up her hair. She could take down most bitches with one hand behind her waist. If she could thank her father for anything, it would be for making her into a woman as hard as nails. She'd faced rabid wolves and male hockey players twice her size. Any crazy whore who got involved with Barney was no problem.  
Ten minutes later, the always nameless bimbo ran screaming from the room bearing a small cut on the back of her shoulder. She was fully clothed and didn't even stop to swear she'd find Barney again (like most of his desperate women did). Robin stepped back into the room, placing the sword cleanly in the scabbard and back in its place.  
"You're amazing, Scherbatsky." Barney said in awe.  
He wasn't sure what exactly had gone on in there but it sounded hot.  
"You're welcome, Stinson." She adjusted her sleeves and her purse and prepared to leave when Barney cut in front of her.  
"Would you like a drink for your efforts?"  
She squinted her eyes in suspicion.  
"Are you planning to get me drunk and then seduce me because you thought the girl fight was hot?"  
He snapped his fingers in the air.  
"You got me!"  
When she crossed her arms, not amused, he laughed.  
"It's just a drink, Robin. I promise I have noble intentions."  
"You never have noble intentions. Still, I'll take the drink. I need it." She said the last part more quietly and Barney waited until he'd changed into an impeccable suit and they both held a glass of his expensive scotch to ask  
"What happened tonight?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Don't play dumb. You were upset. Why else would you depend on _me _to make you feel better about a relationship?"  
"You're my best friend, Barney. I'll always come to you." She divulged and he smiled.  
Though he would always want to be more than a friend, the fact that she admitted it out loud was touching.  
"And I'll always be here for you. Like I am now. So…"  
She sighed and recounted Ted's words.  
"Well, it's your fault for engaging in a lesbian relationship. You need a real man, Robin. Duh."  
She couldn't help the bubble of laughter that spilled out. Insulting Ted was one of their favorite hobbies.  
"You're right. You're right."  
"But seriously, you know he's just being Ted, right? There's nothing wrong with you. Your relationship didn't work out because you wanted different things."  
"Yeah, but I'm tired of hearing that from every guy that dumps me! You were too independent. You were too cold. You were too distant. You were too forward sexually. Nothing is ever enough! People want parts of me and end up dissatisfied with who I am as a person."  
Barney took a moment to mull this over before responding.  
"Then those people aren't worth it. Ted is one of my best friends, as well as one of yours, but you and him did not belong in a relationship. Don was a dick, Max was a pussy. Anyone else?"  
"You." She said before common sense could kick in.  
"Me." He repeated. "You and I… weren't ready to be together."  
"Why not?"  
"We were too immature, too selfish and committed to ourselves. I don't know. It just wasn't the right time."  
"Will there ever be a right time?"  
He stared into the glassy oceans of her eyes and breathed out  
"I hope so."


	7. Chapter 7

Canning Randy

"Hey."  
Robin groaned and stopped at the second flight of stairs, turning to come face to face with a grinning Barney. He'd followed her inside where she planned to take a soothing bath and change into an outfit that didn't make her feel so pathetic and hopeless. The guys thought she came from a dirty one night stand on Halloween and she wished that were it. Instead of achieving fame and positive reception from people, her commercial would make her a joke and Becky would win. Again.  
"What?" she snapped and Barney raised an eyebrow.  
"What happened to you last night?"  
"Isn't it obvious? Some lucky guy got a worthless night of sex with Robin Scherbatsky. Are you here to beat Marshall and Ted and call slut?"  
Barney's vibrant blue eyes were gentle.  
"No, I would never do that."  
"Then?"  
"You seemed upset and after you gave Ted the middle finger I thought I caught a tear falling."  
_Damn it, he saw that?_  
"Nope, no tear. I'm fine." She turned to ascend the remaining flight of stairs but Barney was quicker.  
He gave her a push towards the left wall of the staircase and maneuvered his taller frame to block all her escape routes, essentially boxing her into place.  
"You can't lie right to my face, Scherbatsky. I know you."  
"Yeah, you do." She said begrudgingly.  
"I'll wait until you decide to start talking." He leaned forward onto her, relaxing as her body and the wall behind her supported his weight.  
It was not relaxing for Robin, whose nurse outfit was thin enough that Barney's lean muscles pressed into her body, leading to x-rated images and sexual fantasies. She hadn't had sex in weeks, despite what her friends thought, and memories of sex with Barney kept flashing through her mind. Not good.  
"Robin?" he interrupted the scenario where she was bent over the railing as Barney plowed into her from behind, his fingers digging into the soft skin of her waist.  
Those long, talented, beautiful fingers…  
"Robin!" Barney waved a hand in her face and she blinked, hoping to God he hadn't seen the lust in her eyes.  
"What? Sorry. I-I was thinking of what happened last night."  
He nodded and she continued.  
"I filmed a commercial. It was at some low-budget studio but they offered me a good deal and I thought putting my face out there in any available commercial would help me like it helped Becky." She spat the name out.  
"And what commercial required this outfit?"  
Robin bit her lip. She was already embarrassed. Barney would laugh at her and she'd feel even more like crap.  
"I don't want to tell you."  
"That's too bad cause you're telling me anyway."  
"No."  
"I can call in sick to work. Someone else can film the GNB video. We will stay right here until you tell me what the commercial was."  
"Barney." She growled.  
"Robin."  
"_Barney._"  
"_Robin_."  
"Ugh! Fine!"  
Barney smiled victoriously.  
"It was for adult diapers, happy? I went in thinking it was for the opening of a new hospital or a clinic or a form of promoting the nurse profession but no! It was for adult diapers."  
There was a silence in which Robin's face burned with shame and Barney stared at the nurse's outfit again.  
"Wow."  
When he didn't speak again, Robin forced herself to meet his gaze.  
"What?"  
"You're really dedicated to this journalism thing, aren't you?"  
"Of course." She said, puzzled by his reaction.  
"You were willing to humiliate yourself in that diaper commercial simply to gain recognition for your show."  
"Yeah. I was." Robin nodded, seeing things in a new light.  
"I'm proud of you, Scherbatsky. Not everyone is willing to pee in their pants for the viewing of all America just to further their career."  
"Okay, I didn't actually pee anywhere! I _pretended_ to!"  
Barney finally laughed and Robin found herself joining in.  
"I've got to see it." He said after wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.  
"Please don't. The less people see it, the better."  
"Oh, I will definitely be watching it with the same frequency I watch your Robin Sparkles videos."  
"And how frequent is that?"  
"Too frequent." He frowned and she was left feeling awkward again because he was lost in thought and her body was still revved up at the close contact with his.  
"Barney?"  
"Hmm?" he asked distractedly.  
"Can you get off me now?"  
Barney looked down at her and when their eyes met, time seemed to stop. Robin saw the lust she knew had been in her eyes reflected in Barney's.  
For a second, no one moved.  
Robin thought he was going to capture her lips with his and live out her fantasy but Barney moved back, allowing her personal space again and she gave him a curt smile before dashing up the steps, more in need of her warm bath than before.


	8. Chapter 8

**Ok, I haven't really decided if I'll stick to canon or change the ending so for now the episodes will reflect the events of the show. Thanks for the reviews and please tell me which option you'd prefer (canon or not).**

Natural History

When the cab arrived, Ted slipped into the passenger seat to avoid the confined space the remaining four would face in the back. Barney went in first, whipping out his cell phone and locking his eyes on whatever dominated the screen. Marshall and Lily were sharing a sweet kiss, whispering some term of endearment she supposed. Robin took a deep breath and followed Barney inside, leaving a small space between them. This, of course, was ridiculous and when Lily and Marshall pushed themselves inside, Robin found her thigh pressed against his, her legs crossed together under his. Marshall had complained he needed the most leg space so Robin had to tilt her body into Barney's.  
If she wanted to, she could lay her head directly in the crook of his neck and shoulder. She forced herself to ignore the part of her that screamed for her to do just that. When Marshall and Lily brought up an old story from college she was more than happy to join in the conversation. There were still fifteen minutes left in the cab ride and Barney hadn't looked at her once. He'd murmured a hello when he arrived at the apartment shortly before the cab did.  
After the moment they'd shared on the staircase after Halloween when Robin was _this_ close to jumping his bones, things were awkward. Robin hoped the feelings would go away and secretly thanked Barney for putting some space between them. However, the feelings strengthened so she ached to laugh with him and talk to him. She may love him but she also valued his friendship. 

When they arrived at the museum everyone drifted off in their own direction. Robin watched Barney from the corner of her eye and when he stopped in front of a pharaoh costume, staring at it longingly before reaching out to touch it, she saw her chance.  
"I didn't realize you were small potatoes." Her voice jeered and he looked over at her approach. "And, to be clear, I am referring to your testicles."  
She reached out a graceful arm to caress the smooth gold of the costume, Barney's electric blue gaze following the motion. She gave a little laugh of triumph and he nodded.  
"Impressive. Try this on for size." He rattled the gold piece and her eyes darted around the room, making sure no one had noticed.  
"You wanna dance?" she stepped closer. "Let's dance."  
"I live for the dance." He whispered, a seductive grit in his voice making her blood burn.  
As their eyes met in challenge she felt his hand sneak up to her butt.  
"Get. Your. _Other_. Hand. Off. My Ass." She hissed.  
"Sorry, sorry." He swallowed, momentarily caught up in the sensuality Robin emanated without even trying.  
They stood there for ten minutes before Barney got restless and began reaching for the drink he'd placed on a nearby table. Robin sipped her scotch nonchalantly, teasing him for missing out on it.  
He exhaled and chastised both of them for acting like children. She lowered her hand, half shamed half surprised, that Barney had been the one to stop the juvenile behavior.  
Was he upset with her? Were they going to continue avoiding each other because of one moment that became too close for comfort?  
Suddenly, her eyes met his and she knew before he even spoke what would happen next.  
"Wanna go touch a bunch of stuff?"  
-

An hour and a half later, the fun was over and Barney and Robin sat in adjacent chairs facing the balding security guard that had caught on to their pranks. Robin felt six years old again, awaiting punishment from her father.  
He gave them some lecture that neither of them listened to and Robin thought they would be let off with just a warning when the guard mentioned a kid knocking down the blue whale. Barney turned to her ecstatically, eyebrows raised. Robin asked the guard if he knew who the kid was and the guard offered to check his records.  
She thanked him and he winked at her. It was clear the only reason he was looking at the old records was to try to impress her. Too bad for him. Robin wasn't interested.  
"Here we go." The guard announced, reading from the book.  
Robin's repetitive "No." increased in volume as the guard revealed the kid in question had, in fact, been Barney Stinson.  
"Who's the master, Leroy?!" Barney jumped up.  
Before Robin could form a sarcastic retort, the guard dropped the bombshell. Barney's "Uncle Jerry" had checked that he was the father of the boy responsible for knocking down the blue whale. The man Barney had seen as his uncle was actually the father he'd wanted to find so badly.  
Barney's cool, detached façade kicked in and he waved off the guard's words. Robin wasn't fooled. She'd seen that split second of confusion and pain in his baby blues. Yet, she waited until the tubby guard vowed to kick both of them out if he saw them breathe near the wrong thing. She followed Barney out of the guard's office and back into the sea of people.  
Barney poured himself a scotch at the open bar and wordlessly poured one for her.  
"Thanks." She said softly, surveying the blank look on his face.  
He nodded and sat at a nearby table to stare off into space. Robin recognized the behavior. It was the same way he'd acted after James met Sam Gibbs and another potential father figure crashed and burned for Barney.  
Except this time, he had found his father.  
And he didn't know how to handle it.  
"So, when was the last time you saw him?" she asked tentatively, prepared for him to shut her out.  
Instead, he said it was that day. The last trip he'd had with "Uncle Jerry" after which Loretta had blamed him for Barney's mischief and chased him off somehow.  
"Maybe-maybe the security guy had it wrong. You never know-  
"No, you do know. You do know, Robin. He's my dad." Barney clutched the glass in his hand tightly.  
"Barney, do you want to-  
"I don't want to do anything. Don't tell anyone about this, okay?"  
And there it was. The shut out.  
-

The cab ride home was dead silent. Ted was staring out the passenger seat window, no doubt thinking of Zoey. Marshall and Lily had made up after the brief spat over Marshall's decision to stay at GNB and Lily had fallen asleep against Marshall's chest. The tall man stroked his wife's hair and seemed to be nodding off himself. That left Barney and Robin who were each staring aimlessly at their laps. They hadn't spoken since the shut out and Robin wished he'd be the one to break the ice.  
She turned to look at him, prepared to speak first, when she noticed he'd been crying. His shoulders gave a slight shake but the definite sign was the tear marks lining his face. Robin bit her lip and made sure the other three members of the gang hadn't seen anything. They hadn't.  
She moved her left hand to grasp his right hand, intertwining them in one motion. He blinked and looked over at her, embarrassed to see she knew he was crying but at her tender smile he didn't care anymore. She squeezed his hand reassuringly and he responded by moving her head to fit in the crook of his neck. And that's how they spent the remainder of the cab ride, until Marshall and Lily were dropped off and Ted and Robin had to get off at their apartment.  
Even in her dreams, Robin remembered the pleasant warmth of Barney's skin against her face and the calming aroma of his expensive cologne and imported soap.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hang on kids; this will be a long, emotional-driven one. And I think I'm gonna move out of canon soon. I have some plans for the journey of this season.**

Glitter

She hoped she'd never see footage from the show that initiated her career as Robin Sparkles but she couldn't say she was surprised that Barney had been the one to find a tape of an episode. Robin had been feeling crabby all week, a potent mixture of stress from work, dangerous lust for someone she could never be with, and frustration with her female best friend who was well on the way to pulling a Jessica Glitter and dumping Robin for a baby that wasn't even in the fetus yet.  
That was why she was happy to unleash her emotions on Barney, teasing him about working too hard for women and being lame with his boutonniere when in reality she wanted to scream at him for being so fucking charming and making her want to throw her panties at him.  
Jesus, she needed to get laid.  
"What exactly _is _this about?" Lily interrupted her train of thought and Robin remembered the gang was in the apartment, watching the show she'd been so proud of a decade ago and was now suspiciously similar to a porno.  
Robin gave a brief description of the show but no one was really listening since Robin Sparkles and her beautiful companion Jessica Glitter filled the screen.  
As the Canadian teens mimed turbulence through an asteroid belt, the Americans watching let their mouths drop open and their genitals tighten just a bit(even Lily felt the effect).  
Robin scowled at the screen but internally acquiesced to what her friends had said about the porno setup. No wonder the crew, made up of seven middle aged men, was overly friendly and into the show. It wasn't because they liked math puns!  
When Barney removed the disk from the DVD player, Robin was relieved. She'd been watching less than ten minutes and already the old wound in her chest had opened and pain flickered through her body. Jessica's rejection still hurt.  
"Hey, if you and Jessica are BFF's, how come we've never met her?" Lily asked.  
"Okay, it was a long time ago. I get a Christmas card from her every year but we're not really friends anymore."  
_Please let it go. Please let it go. _Robin chanted in her head but Lily had never been one to take a hint.  
"But BFF's _are _forever."  
Robin was saved from a response by Marshall interjecting and Ted rushing to defend his old high school pal, Punchy. The other four made faces of displeasure at the mention of the Cleveland native and the way Ted acted around the guy, even through a phone call.  
"I don't get it. How can you and Glitter just stop being friends? Best friends don't do that." Lily insisted.  
"Well, we did and I haven't talked to her in like five years so just drop it." She resisted her wince. "I've got to go." She added, getting up and leaving the apartment in the blink of an eye.  
She knew she'd left her friends baffled but Robin had felt the prick of tears and didn't want to succumb to the pain that had left her suicidal all those years ago. Out of the corner of her eye she'd seen Barney's mouth open but before he could offer any advice or voice a question she'd been out the door.

* * *

Barney had left Ted and Robin's apartment with a frown on his face. He'd stayed long enough for Lily to sob and use half a box of tissues before courtesy ran out and so did he. He didn't believe Ted had solved anything with or without math and logic.  
Robin and Jessica had faced some issue that broke their friendship and it might have centered around Jessica's pregnancy but it was definitely not Robin's aversion to kids. He knew Robin. She was a deeply loyal friend and she wouldn't dump her best friend forever just because she was having a child. Barney knew Robin would never hurt Lily in that way, either, and he was honestly pissed that the other three didn't know Robin enough to know that with the same certainty he did.  
He carried the Space Teens tape in his suit jacket but he wouldn't watch it on his own. No, he'd wait for Robin to be home and watch it with her to get her to open up about the past. She'd been there for him when he discovered who his father was and he would be there for her with whatever this was.

* * *

The next day, Barney left work early to be able to catch Robin as she arrived home after the morning show. He used the spare key Ted didn't know he had and opened the door to find the apartment wasn't as empty as he'd wished. Ted was there, lounging on the couch.  
"Barney?"  
"Ted." Barney said evenly, not giving away the disappointment he felt that his shot at uncovering Robin's secret was ruined.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"What are you doing here?" Barney countered and Ted's brow furrowed.  
"Living?"  
"Well, I came to join you."  
"Shouldn't you be at work?"  
"Shouldn't you?" Barney raised an eyebrow and Ted confusedly shook his head.  
"Not right now but… what's that in your hand?"  
Barney held up the DVD.  
"Space Teens."  
"You came to watch it with me? That's kind of weird, Barney."  
"I thought Robin would be here."  
"She'll be home in an hour."  
"Then we shall wait." Barney went to the fridge and pulled out two beers, silently cursing Ted for not having a more normal work schedule.  
He should have remembered Ted wasn't going in to GNB that day and would be at home exactly where he didn't want him to be.

* * *

When Robin arrived the two men looked at her with matching puppy dog eyes. She groaned.  
"No."  
"We've been waiting all day." Ted said overdramatically.  
"Just watch it without me!"  
"Two dudes on the couch together watching porn? That's kinda weird." Barney said, hoping to dissipate any anger she was feeling.  
Clearly, Robin hated any reminder of this time in her life and Barney didn't want to upset her but his plot to delve into her past had failed with Ted's presence and he might as well get to watch the remainder of the tape.  
Robin finally agreed and sat in between them, telling them if they made dirty jokes about it, she'd turn it off.

Barney and Ted didn't last long and soon Robin was removing the DVD again and Barney missed out on hearing the Beaver Song.  
_Aw man. _Barney grumbled but Robin moved to the corner of the room that held the wastebasket and brutally broke the disc in half before launching it inside.  
Ted, busy answering the door, hadn't noticed.  
Barney came up behind her and saw that her hands were shaking.  
"Robin?"  
"I don't want to talk about it." She breathed and again Barney couldn't continue his questioning because a new issue had presented itself.  
"Sup turds?"  
_Punchy_. Barney and Robin both growled the name, their faces set in repulsion.

* * *

Down at the bar, Robin waited until Punchy had moved towards the bathrooms to reenact the vulgar man.  
"Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied on our couch in the form of your idiot high school friend?" she imitated Punchy's obnoxious laugh and punches on Barney.  
Barney's lips quirked into a smile because she was that adorable. It wasn't fair that another stressor had come into her life when she was in the midst of reliving memories she'd wanted to keep buried.  
Ted appealed to her to let Punchy stay on their couch for one night to show him around New York, using the Lebron card to soften her up. It worked. Robin sighed and shared a look with Barney.  
" Okay. One night."  
After Punchy left, Robin knew Barney would be back to get her to talk about Glitter and strangely enough she wasn't dreading it as much as she thought she would. Barney would understand.  
Robin's phone lit up, reminding her of the massage appointment she had in fifteen minutes. Lily and Marshall arrived just as she stood up.  
"Where you going? We just got here." Lily protested.  
"Oh uh, Korean massage."  
"Without me?"  
"Well, I figured you'd be busy reading What To Expect When You're Expecting To Expect." She shrugged and used Lily's shock to leave the bar.  
Robin knew she was pushing Lily away but this was one type of déjà vu she did not want to repeat. Maybe if she placed the distance between them first it would hurt less.

* * *

Barney rolled his eyes as Lily whined and whimpered that Robin was dumping her like she had Glitter. Lily was obsessed with babies and Barney was tired after listening to the chatter for five minutes. Imagine how Robin felt if every occasion the two women hung out Lily only mentioned babies?  
Barney would always side with Robin, but in this case she was in the right. Lily had to respect some of their best friend time and leave it for just the two of them. If it were the opposite and Robin ignored Lily for a child or boyfriend or anything else, Lily would be bawling her eyes out and saying Robin didn't love her anymore. Robin was more chill and bottled her emotions but Barney knew Robin felt hurt that Lily was ignoring her.  
And then it hit him.  
Marshall was telling Lily to hang out with Robin without talking about babies but Barney had tuned out already. He knew what had happened between Jessica and Robin.  
He told the gang he had some work to do back at the office and slipped out of the booth and out of MacLaren's.

* * *

"And that's all for today, everyone." Robin said at the end of the segment, prepared to sign off professionally when Becky interrupted her.  
"Have a fun day out there! It's so sunny and shiny!"  
Robin forced a smile until the cameraman gave them the all clear. Becky chirped something about going to run a marathon for an abused bunny charity and Robin nodded noncommittally.  
She waited until the studio was empty, most of the crew running after Becky's stripper high heels. And then she put her head in her hands and cried.  
The day before Lily had ended their friendship over a misunderstanding, proving to Robin she was not meant to have a female best friend or any best friend at all. Without Lily there was no Marshall. Without Marshall there was no Ted. She couldn't cling to the expectation that Barney would remain her friend even if the rest of the gang moved on.  
"It's going to be okay, Robin."  
Her head shot up at the gentle voice and she feared she was more unstable than she'd thought. But no, Barney was really there in the flesh, impeccably dressed, his blue eyes trained on her from his position across her desk.  
"W-what are you doing here?" she asked, clearing her throat but knowing how stupid it was to pretend she hadn't been crying.  
"You weren't at MacLaren's last night. Lily told us what happened. Bitch move. You didn't deserve that."  
Robin felt the tightness in her chest lessen enough to breathe normally again. It was a huge weight off her back to know someone cared enough for her to look for her after she was gone one night from the bar. But mostly it was just because it was him.  
"Barney, I-I" she lost her voice to the tears and Barney moved around the desk to kneel in front of her, not caring that his suit was getting dirty, to pull her into his long arms.

She told him everything, confirming what he'd guessed had happened between the two teens. He completely understood Robin's insecurity over Lily's imminent pregnancy. Robin confessed she feared losing Lily would mean losing Marshall, Ted and him too.  
"You would never lose me, Robin." He said firmly as she sniffled and wiped her puffy eyes.  
He'd listened as she recounted the dark time after Jessica abandoned her to the pressures of stardom and the tumultuous home life provided by her parent's divorce.  
"I wanted to kill myself. I almost tried. Almost knocked back some pills but I couldn't go through with it. I told myself it was because I'd come to my senses and knew I had to live for the future but really I was too chickenshit to do it." Her cerulean eyes were clouded and dark.  
Barney's heart had clenched from the start of that story. The thought of a world without Robin was agonizing to picture. Where would he be without her?  
"You had a future to look forward to. You're a better, stronger person now, Robin. Nothing can ruin that for you. Not Lily or Jessica Glitter or Becky or any asshole who's stupid enough to let go of you."  
The words were spoken with such vehemence Robin felt strength resonate through her.  
"Thank you, Barney." She whispered and stood, her legs a bit unsteady.  
He stood with her, stepping back to let her breathe.  
"I need to go somewhere for a bit."  
"You're leaving?" he panicked.  
He couldn't take another of her escapes to Japan or Argentina or maybe some place even farther away.  
"No, no. I appreciate that you came here but I want a drink and a bar of people who won't come up to me."  
"Hoser Hut?"  
She nodded.  
"It might help to be around some good parts of my homeland and by that I mean cold Canadian beer."  
He chuckled and she gave him a half-smile.  
"Bye, Barney."  
"I'll see you later." He said and she didn't know he meant that.

* * *

Barney whipped out his phone to text Marshall the whereabouts of Jessica Glitter. Barney had spent the past day following Jessica from Space Teens to leaving Canada to arriving in California and somehow ending up as the organist at Madison Square Garden. Though Robin felt better about the past after their talk, he knew she missed Lily. It was only natural for her to want more friends than him.  
Before coming to visit Robin, he had told Marshall to find Jessica so he and Lily could ask her what really happened. Barney already knew but he figured the couple had to hear it for themselves so Lily could come to her senses and apologize to Robin.  
Marshall hadn't been sure where to find Jessica and Barney gave him some time to fumble with his computer and Google before texting him the exact location.  
Barney knew Lily and Marshall were almost with Glitter and that Robin was at the Hoser Hut. He called Ted and told him he'd pick him up in a cab to pick up Lily and Marshall at Madison Square Garden. Ted had been beyond confused but Barney hung up before he could ask further questions.

* * *

Barney waited until Robin and Lily shared a hug before moving in with the other guys (Punchy had tagged along; unfortunately). They made the obligatory "Aw" noise and Barney smiled at Robin, who looked so much better than she'd been for weeks.  
Before anything else could be said, however, the opening bars to a song he swore sound familiar played.  
"Why do I know this song?" he pondered aloud.  
"Oh my God, it's the Beaver Song. Which one of you put this on?" Robin's gaze landed on him but he shook his head and everything was made clear when Jessica Glitter appeared on stage to sing her first verse.  
Barney was just as surprised as Robin. He planned for Lily to face the truth and make up with Robin but Jessica coming to sing a song with her ex best friend was an added bonus. Robin seemed hesitant but Barney gave her a wink of encouragement and she moved towards the stage, a tentative smile on her face.  
When the crowd sang along to the double entendre about two beavers, Barney grinned. Robin had hugged Jessica and looked great onstage even with tear streaks on her beautiful face.  
Soon, even they were singing along and the whole bar was cheering on the stars that had signified their childhood. At the end of the song, Jessica hugged Robin again and told her she had to cover the next shift at the Garden where another hockey game was beginning in the next hour.  
Robin let her go without protest because she knew she wasn't meant to be best friends with Jessica again. It was a nice closing moment for her but that was it. She remained in front of the flag of her country with confetti dotting her shoulders and some of her hair. The bar was still on their feet, clapping for her and she looked over at her friends, her eyes finding Barney's.  
"Rock on, Sparkles." He mouthed and she laughed.  
"Anyone for an encore song?" she said into the microphone and the Hoser Hut exploded into cheers again. "Who wants to go to the mall?"

* * *

She was waiting for her cab when Barney came up behind her. Without another word she turned and buried her face in his chest, her arms going around his abdomen and his wrapping around her waist.  
"Thanks again." She said into his chest.  
"For what?"  
She tilted her head back to look up at him.  
"For making me talk about it. For finding Jessica. For giving me the confidence I needed to go on that stage and make a fool of myself again."  
He laughed.  
"You were awesome, Scherbatsky."  
"Thanks to you, Stinson."  
"Are we splitting the cab ride?"  
"I was actually planning to ask you for a favor and I'm glad you didn't leave with the other four."  
"I wasn't going to leave you behind. Plus, I didn't really want to ride in a cab with Punchy."  
She smiled.  
"About that. Can I stay at your place tonight? Punchy sleepwalks. The last time he visited, which was two years ago, I found him in bed with me and he was trying to fondle my breasts."  
Barney glared at the street.  
"That creep. I bet he wasn't even sleepwalking."  
"Jealous?" she teased.  
"Please." He scoffed but he wouldn't admit he was a little bit.  
He missed Robin's breasts. He missed every part of her.  
"So can I stay on your couch?"  
"No."  
Robin's face fell so Barney rushed to add.  
"You can stay in my bed. I'll take the couch."

* * *

They didn't tell their friend about it, but they slept together that night. There was no sex but Barney and Robin ignored the large space of his bed and slept cuddled together in the very center, Barney's arms secured tightly around her waist.


	10. Chapter 10

**I have decided to move out of canon so the story will follow the show's episodes but I will rearrange some scenery or seating as I please. Don't freak out if something changes because trust me I meant to do it **** Hope you guys like the way I take this season.**

Blitzgiving

After Ted left, the remaining four discussed Thanksgiving and some of their favorite traditions. Lily said she was really a fan of turkey, always having several helpings of the darker meat. Marshall quickly kissed her, gushing about turkey-eating being his favorite part as well. Alongside, the gushy, lovey sentimental giving of thanks and being grateful for your loved ones. That was so Marshall. Robin told them that when Canadian Thanksgiving came around she always let loose on pie.  
"I am a pie fanatic. Apple, pumpkin, coconut custard, blueberry cream, chocolate pecan, you name it. Thanksgiving isn't Thanksgiving for me unless there's pie. And I made sure to buy three of my favorites for tomorrow since pie and sides will have to fill me up. I am not touching that turturkeykey."  
"Oh come on, Robin, it can't be that bad. Ted's a decent cook." Marshall defended his best friend.  
"He's a good cook but this is an exception. I watched him sodomize a huge turkey with a smaller turkey. There was a mixing of juices and turkey fat spilling everywhere. It was _not_ appetizing." She shivered as she sipped her beer.  
Barney laughed.  
"I'm not eating it either. Turkey's never been big for me anyway."  
Marshall and Lily gasped but Robin just grinned.  
"I'm a mashed potatoes kind of man. Love the gravy. Love the cranberry sauce. Add some vegetables, sweet potatoes, and pie, and I'm set." He winked at her and she laughed.  
Before Marshall could begin the pro-turkey debate, Lily's eyes zoned in on a familiar blonde sitting at the bar.  
"Oh my God, it's Zoey."  
The other three followed her gaze.  
"That bitch." Said Lily.  
"Manipulating shrew." Added Marshall.  
"Skank." Supplied Robin.  
"I want to sleep with her." Breathed Barney.  
Lily glared.  
"No, you're not. Ted hates her so we hate her too. I'm gonna steal her scarf." She stood, walking determinedly to Zoey's chair.  
Marshall gestured for Robin to follow his troublemaking wife and she obliged, coming up behind Lily the second Zoey turned and noticed her.  
"Oh my God you're Lily Aldrin!"  
And thus began the first fan encounter Lily had ever had. Robin let her have the moment before elbowing her in the back.  
"Ted hates her, we hate her, remember?" she whispered and Lily ducked her head.  
Robin was prepared to unleash some hateful words at the woman when Zoey turned to her and smiled even wider.  
"Robin Scherbatsky! Oh my God! I've followed you since your newscast in Quebec!"  
Robin was floored.  
"I was eighteen when I did that piece. You liked my reporting?"  
"Liked it? I admired you so much. The way you interviewed that hobo in impeccable French was so professional. You may be the journalist I love most simply because you're Canadian. I love Canada!"  
"You do?!" Robin pulled her into a bigger hug than Lily's.  
It really couldn't be helped that the gang, minus Ted, spent an amazing night hanging out with Zoey and the former Blitz, Steve Henry. A string of awesome events transpired, including one that Barney and Robin kept a secret from Ted and the others.

Barney found her in the bathroom, her right boot and sock off, rubbing her ankle and groaning with pain.  
"What's wrong?" he felt instantly sobered, even after so many beers, seeing Robin in pain.  
"Twisted my ankle, I think. I didn't notice until a few minutes ago."  
"From the oven?"  
She nodded.  
"I tripped on the way home from work. Fell on my ankle. I guess the motion of falling from the oven was too much. Hurts." She whimpered as her hand touched a particularly reddened area of her ankle.  
She had drunk less beers than him, allowing her to form coherent sentences, but the throbbing pain mixed with alcohol seemed to revert her to vulnerable, sweet Robin. Barney closed the bathroom door even though the other four were busy in the hallway buttering Lily's back to slide her down the hallway. He crouched in front of her to examine her ankle and noticed it did indeed look swollen.  
"Ice?"  
"We don't have any. I checked." She pouted and he smiled at how adorable she looked.  
"Here." He took his beer and pressed it against her ankle, causing her to hiss at the sensation of cold on hot skin.  
"Thank you." She said after the swelling went down and his beer was lukewarm.  
"No problem, Scherbatsky." He bent his lips down to her ankle and gave it a gentle kiss.  
She shivered at the contact and using the freedom of liquor running through her system, she bent to capture his lips with her own. The kiss lasted less than twenty seconds but when they pulled away they were both breathless.  
"Whoa." She murmured.  
"Yeah." He said.  
Robin put her sock and boot back on and the two made their way to the bustle of the living room, where the others were laughing and recounting Lily's trip. When everyone passed out in different locations, Barney made sure to stay close to Robin, kissing her again, softly, as she slept before falling forward on the couch and knocking out.

"This isn't working." Barney grunted from the backseat of the taxi on the way to Marshall and Lily's apartment, Lily's hair choking him.  
"Agreed. Can we change the arrangement?" wheezed Marshall after a turn caused Steve to fall into Barney who pushed Lily, who dug her elbow in Marshall's throat while her body slammed into his gut.  
Ted instructed the taxi driver to pull over and they all got out.  
"I call shotgun!" Steven announced, jumping into the passenger seat and saluting the driver.  
"Well, there are two women and three men. Two men carry two women, the third guy sits in the middle." Ted said.  
"I'll carry Robin." Barney blurted out and Robin hid a smile behind her hand.  
She was thankful he volunteered. She didn't want to sit in Ted's lap the rest of the way. She'd spotted his ugly, scratchy pants the moment he emerged from his room and if she hated seeing them, she'd hate sitting on them more.  
"And Marshall will carry me." Lily said, smiling up at her husband who was evading eye contact.  
"Actually, baby, I was thinking maybe Ted could carry you and I can sit in the middle and stretch out my legs for a bit."  
There was an awkward silence as Barney and Robin muffled their laughter, Ted stared at the ground and Lily glared at her husband.  
"You'd rather stretch your legs than carry your wife?"  
"Yes?" he squeaked.  
"Well, then I hope you enjoy your legs and every part of yourself as you sleep alone on the couch with no possibility of midnight sex." She crossed her arms and pushed Ted into the cab, where he slid to the left window and she followed, sitting on his lap.  
Marshall sat in the middle seat, trying to tell his wife his legs had been cramping, complaining that he was too tall for New York. Robin looked at Barney who looked at her.  
"Thanks for offering. I'd hate to end up in Ted's lap."  
He chuckled.  
"No problem. After last night, we should be working towards many activities with you in my lap."  
"Keep dreaming, Barney. Last night was a glitch."  
"Sure it was." He said, his smile betraying his disbelief.  
He slid into the small space left over and Robin carefully positioned herself so her head was in between the window and Barney and her legs were in between Barney's so she didn't invade any of Marshall's cherished leg room.  
Robin and Barney kept the cab ride interesting and sharp turns or bumps in the pavement led to Robin rubbing "accidentally" across Barney's groin or Barney's hands "accidentally" dancing around her thighs and once her right breast. It was quite entertaining. It was a shame Barney was in another cab on the way to Zoey's.  
Barney was on the verge of taking Robin in front of Steve, the gang, and the taxi driver so he figured some distance from Robin and her tantalizing hips was necessary. He almost wished he'd been man enough to resist the temptation because being the new Blitz sucked.

After the pleasant meal and even better dessert (courtesy of Robin's pies) Barney was ready to corner Robin and force some "you and I" talk out of her. The trust was he missed her. She was the best friend he loved and the sexy woman he lusted for. The combination was breathtaking and he was prepared to confess that to her. Unfortunately, his bladder forced him to run to the bathroom and miss the elevator ride with Ted, Marshall, Lily, and Robin. He hoped she waited to split a cab with him.  
Barney and Steve were going towards the elevator when Steve snapped his fingers.  
"Go on without me. I left something inside."  
"Okay." Barney got in, excited in his plans to pursue a better, serious relationship with Robin.  
He was ready this time and he hoped she was too. But then, the curse of the Blitz truly revealed itself. A woman in black stilettos and a red gala gown stepped in and a part must have gotten caught in the door because when the elevator moved down she was left in stilettos and lacy black underwear. She had no bra because of the cut of the dress and Barney being Barney had to utter a  
"Thank you God!" because boobs were still boobs and seeing a pair as big as these was still wicked.  
However, the elevator doors opened at the lobby and who was standing directly in front of them, a wide smile on her face, prepared to admit to having feelings for Barney again?  
"Robin." He said and he saw the hurt in her eyes a second before they closed off, becoming icy blue walls once more.  
"Not the Blitz anymore, huh? Things really seem to work out for you. Uh, the others already left but I thought I-nevermind I had a taxi waiting for me anyway. H-happy Thanksgiving, Barney." She whirled on her heels and left without another glance back.  
Barney couldn't speak even if he wanted to. She had the last word and she wasn't the type of woman who allowed the man a say. She was gone and all Barney had was a half-naked woman who was meaningless and had just ruined his shot at the woman he loved.  
"Wanna have sex?" she offered.  
"Yeah, okay." He shrugged, pressing the button for the roof.  
He had about two minutes. He could do it. Sex in an elevator had been on his checklist for a long time. He might as well use the opportunity. Robin wouldn't want him anyway.


End file.
